Can I choose the parents
for my baby?
How much can I find out about the adoptive
parents?
I have living expenses and no medical
insurance. Who will help me with my bills?
What assurance do I have that the adoptive
couple are suitable adoptive parents?
Is the choice of adoptive couples really
mine?
Does the birth father have to be involved?
Can I have contact with my baby after
the adoption is completed?
I've selected a family in California
but I live in another state. Can we do this?
Do I have to pay Mr. Baum for his services?
Why should I choose adoption?
I'm having mixed feelings about my
adoption plan. Is this a normal reaction?
What if my family and friends disagree
with my adoption plan?
What will the adoptive family tell
my child about me?
Can I choose the parents for my baby?
In
California, a birth parent may choose the adoptive
parents for her baby. This is usually done in the private
placement Independent Adoption process in which this
office specializes. In these adoptions you decide which
adopting parents you want to work with. You may meet
them if you wish, and usually when the baby is ready
to leave the hospital, the baby is taken home by the
adoptive parents. Some birth mothers decide to place
their babies with adoption agencies--but be careful
because in some cases the baby may be put in foster
care for a period of time, there may also be delays
in placing the baby with an adoptive couple due to
unfinished agency paperwork. In some cases, the birth
mother who places her baby with an adoption agency
may not ever know the identity of the adopting parents!
How
much can I find out about the adoptive parents?
California
law requires that certain basic information be provided
to you about the people with whom you are thinking
of placing your baby. That information includes but
is not limited to: names, ages, religion, occupations,
general health, prior marriages, other persons/children
living in their home and the existence or absence of
a criminal record. The adoptive parents will be honest
with you so that you will have a truthful disclosure
about their lives. They of course will expect you to
be honest with them too!
I
have living expenses and no medical insurance. Who
will help me with my bills?
All
states including California have specific laws which
specify what birth mother expenses can and cannot be
paid during an adoption. You will be able to get more
information about the different laws when you consult
with our office. There are limits imposed on the length
of time you can be supported during your pregnancy
and what can and cannot be paid. If you have health
insurance, then the deductible portion of your medical
bills and unpaid medical expenses can be paid by the
adopting parents. If you qualify you may be asked to
arrange to receive Medi-Cal or Medicaid. In either
case you will be free to select the doctor and hospital
you want.
What
assurance do I have that the adoptive couple are
suitable adoptive parents?
Every
adoption involves investigation of the adoptive couple
by either a state or a licensed agency. Couples are
required to provide fingerprints, detailed financial,
social, and employment histories, copies of tax returns,
reports of medical examinations of both adopting parents,
letters of reference and their home must be inspected.
Criminal records and child abuse indices are checked
before the home study may be approved. I have never
had an adoptive couple from my practice receive anything
other than a favorable recommendation on the report
the investigating agency issues to the Court. Our office
will not represent people who, based upon their background,
are not likely to be approved.
Is
the choice of adoptive couples really mine?
Our
office believes that the birth mother is the best person
to decide who should adopt her child. First you'll
be asked to tell me what kind of adoptive parents you
are searching for and I will present you with resumes
which match your expectations. If you don't see what
you have in mind, I have other resources available
to me to put you in touch with whatever type of adoptive
parents you seek.
Does
the birth father have to be involved?
We
would prefer to have the cooperation of the birth father
in all adoptions handled by this office. Sometimes,
as in the case of unknown assailants, that is impossible.
But in cases where the birth father is known we prefer
that the birth father (if he and you are not married)
sign a waiver of his rights as soon as possible or
let us know what his intentions are. As an adoptive
parent I can assure you that it is best for the child
if the birth father participates in a constructive
manner in the adoption process and provides as much
background information including his medical history
as he can. If you simply cannot deal with the birth
father we can discuss how to best handle the situation
with you on a case by case basis. There are so many
variables in this area that it is impossible to generalize.
Can
I have contact with my baby after the adoption is
completed?
Some
birth mothers want no contact with the baby they place
for adoption. They choose to close the chapter on that
moment of their lives and move forward. Other birth
mothers would like periodic pictures and perhaps a
letter or two each year about the child's progress.
We are happy to work with you and help you match with
adopting parents who are willing to provide the contact
you desire. In our office we insist that if adoptive
parents promise to send pictures and letters then they
must keep the promises they make. We will encourage
you to decide what contact you want and the frequency
of that contact before you match with an adoptive couple.
I've
selected a family in California but I live in another
state. Can we do this?
Yes,
you can. If you'd like to stay at home and have your
family around for moral support we'll work out the
details with you and you can give birth in your home
state. The adoptive parents will fly out to your state
to pick the baby up from the hospital. If you wish
they can even try to be there for delivery. If you
prefer to come to California to have your baby the
adopting parents will pay for your round trip airline
ticket, rent, food, utilities and other legally permitted
expenses so that you can deliver in California. We
will assist you in connecting with the finest obstetricians
and hospitals available so that you have top quality
medical care throughout your pregnancy. If you live
in a state which requires babies who are to be adopted
to be put in foster care for a period of time you may
choose to come to California to have your baby and
your travel, rent, medical and utility expenses may
also be covered.
Do
I have to pay Mr. Baum for his services?
No
you do not. The adoptive family with whom you match
will be responsible for the payment of my fees. All
services I provide to birth parents are at no charge
to the birth parents. You will never be asked to pay
me for my efforts on your behalf.
Why
should I choose adoption?
Just
as every person in the world is different so are the
reasons why birth parents choose to make an adoption
plan. Some birth parents want their baby to have two
parents. Others may feel that they are not mature enough,
financially able or emotionally prepared to raise a
child. Sometimes birth parents may be in the middle
of completing their educations or entering into a new
career. In some instances people who already have children
feel that they just can't raise another child in their
home without hurting the children they already are
raising.
I'm
having mixed feelings about my adoption plan. Is
this a normal reaction?
Most
birth parents experience different emotions during
the adoption process--from great joy to a sense of
sadness about their decision to place their baby in
the arms of an adoptive family rather than raise the
baby themselves. Obviously you'll never forget your
baby nor would you want to. While there maybe some
sadness which may accompany your decision to make an
adoption plan most birth mothers tell us that they
feel better knowing that they are giving their baby
the best possible start in life with the love and security
offered by a wonderful adoptive family. Remember that
in life most important decisions are often very difficult.
When you consider what's best for your baby and what's
best for you it is likely that you will find it easier
to make the right decision.
What
if my family and friends disagree with my adoption
plan?
Every
year in the United States thousands of babies are placed
for adoption by birth parents who make this selfless
decision to do what is best for their baby and place
the baby's welfare above and ahead of their own personal
desires to raise their own flesh and blood. Should
your friends or family find it difficult to accept
your decisions you must remember that the decision
is your decision to make and not theirs. Adoption is
a loving choice-it may indeed be the best choice for
you and for your baby. There are people who can't get
over the idea that they could never "give up their
own flesh and blood" but quite often those people
are not the ones making the adoption plan nor are they
prepared to take on the responsibilities of parenting
for you.
What
will the adoptive family tell my child about me?
In
the course of making your adoption plan you to fill
out forms and provide background information. In addition
to providing information about your background and
that of your family, your medical history, interests
and employment, you can also put together other things
you'd like the baby to have either now or in the future.
Loving birth parents have made scrapbooks and written
personal letters with photos to be shared with their
child later. As the child gets older you and the adoptive
family may decide to stay in contact with one another
by letters and photographs. We are here to assist you
in defining the best arrangement for you, your baby
and the adoptive family in terms of your post placement
contact.
For
further information or to schedule an appointment,
I invite you to call me toll-free at 1-800-795-2367,
or e-mail me at adoptlaw@ix.netcom.com. |
